Week 9 in the SEC was a nice little sampler before the main course this Saturday. Let's get to the week that was in the SEC:
That's why they're are Vanderbilt. What is it about the Doores and teasing their fans into thinking they will spring the upset of the year, every year?
Case in point: After outplaying the heavily favored Razorbacks for the entire game, Vandy held an eight-point lead in the fourth quarter. After an impressive drive got them to the three-yard line, you had to figure they could not screw this one up. All they needed was three yards! Even if they were stopped, a chippy FG would give them an eleven-point lead and almost certainly put them in a position to control the game and get the victory.
This is why they are Vanderbilt.Zac Stacy fumbled the ball, and Jerry Franklin recovered. Franklin, who looked like the Engelberg from the Bad News Bears, scooped up the ball and ran 96 yards for a touchdown.
Instead of a 15-point lead with 13 minutes to play, it was now a tie game, after the Hogs got the two-point conversion.
What are the odds of all those things coming together at one time? It has to be astronomical. In fact, I would bet on seeing pictures of Bobby Petrino hanging out at DeAngelo Hall's crib before I would see that play happening.
This is another reason why they are Vanderbilt.To compound the felony, they drive the ball all the way down the field in the final moments, thereby putting their fans on the torture rack once again, and get a first down at the Arkansas 14.
Most other teams would find a way to cover the last 14 yards and call it a day. But not Vandy. After a four-yard gain, Jordan Rodgers throws two incomplete passes.
All right, no problem. Bring on Carey Speer for a 27-yard field goal. Do you know how far 27 yards is? It's about as long as Charlie Weis' neck to his stomach. OK, maybe it's not as far as that, but you get the idea.
Speer hits the ball solid, but with no hook on it, it sails wide right. Game over. Thank you for playing. We have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Vandy once again flirts with an upset, only to go away empty handed. A couple of weeks ago, they blocked a punt with seven seconds to play to give them a chance at a miracle victory over Georgia.
Of course, they had a penalty, then two plays that went nowhere.
That is why they're Vanderbilt.
Mark Richt has the Dawgs playing well and with a six game winning streak in his back pocket, the moving vans have been ordered to stand down, at least for the time being.
Give Georgia credit, they found a way to beat a team they have not had too much success with in the past two decades. Richt even had the players singing Rocky Top in the locker room after the game in hopes of a Vols win over South Carolina, which would have put them in first place in the SEC Least. (That sound you hear in the background is me giggling. Imagine that, someone actually thought Tennessee was going to win an SEC game. That's rich, I'll say.)
To be honest, this game was a clinic on how bad the SEC Least is this year. Both teams looked ragged on both sides of the ball and neither really deserved to win the game. Among some of the highlights, or lowlights as the case may be:
Florida rushed for -19 on the day, and it was fitting their orange and blue uniforms made them really look a lot like the offenses of Kentucky and Tennessee.
Georgia gave up a kick return for a touchdown, gave up a touchdown on a fourth and 19 play, missed two field goals and had turned the ball over when a pass hit a Georgia player's helmet and was intercepted.
I know all the Dawg fans are giddy now, and beating your rival for only the fourth time in the last 22 games can do that to you. Being in contention for a possible trip to Atlanta can also blow some sunshine up your skirt, but be careful what you wish for, Bulldog Nation.
I think everyone knows what I mean by that.
Ole Miss set a school record for futility as they fell for the eleventh straight time to an SEC school on Saturday night.
Give them credit, they tied the game at the half, but unfortunately, the refs called them back from the locker room and informed them they still had another 30 to go.Auburn scored 24 straight points before Ole Miss remembered they would get the ball too, and it would be all right if they tried to score some points. By then, it was pretty much over.
Kind of like the Rebs season, you know?
Philip Lutzenkirchen, who's last name In German means, "I'm going to catch the ball, run over your skinny ass and score a touchdown," made another outstanding play as he reached back across his body and snared a Clint Moseley pass with one hand and continued to hold it with that hand as he barreled into the end zone.
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria! (Bonus points for whoever can name the movie that's from)
Well, maybe not hysteria, but there was a football game in Lexington on Saturday night and since there wasn't much excitement, I figured I would spice it up a little. As bad as this one was, that's all the spice I could find.
Mississippi State quarterbacks Tyler Russell and Chris Relf each passed for a touchdown, and Relf ran for two more.
Kentucky couldn't move the ball across my living room. However, there was hope as they recovered two fumbles inside the Bulldog 25-yard line, but as usual, they could only manage two field goals on both drives.
As Wayne Campbell once said, "Do these guys know how to party, or what?"
In a game that illustrates why the SEC Least is what it is in 2011, South Carolina came away with only their second victory ever in Knoxville.
The Cocks had just enough offense as Connor Shaw threw for a touchdown and ran for one, which is all they needed on a very cold night by the Tennessee River. And on defense, they had just enough sleep from the night before to keep from dozing of after watching a snoozer of an offense wearing the festive Halloween orange jerseys.
With Marcus Lattimore out for the season, replacement Brandon Wilds ran just like his last name as he gained 137 yards and was the man during a drive that went 20 plays, covered 98 yards and lasted 11:35. In fact, I just called over to the Neyland Stadium press box. I think Carolina just moved the ball to the Knoxville airport, but it is third down so we'll see if the Vols can get a stop.
The treat of the night for Vols is with October ending, their schedule gets a little easier. The trick of the night was the fact they think they can beat Vandy and Kentucky.
Who was the shaved ape wearing the Kansas State hat on the ESPN College Gameday set? I am thrilled that ESPN is working in conjunction with Kryspy Kreme Doughnuts to send the winner of their national doughnut eating contest to the Game Day set to ramble on about things he has no idea about.
That guy was a complete moron. If he were in the SEC, we would have pulled his Man Card years ago. After running his lip about what Kansas State was going to do to Oklahoma, I am sure hightailed it out of Los Angeles as soon as he could and hid out in the closest 24 hour all you can eat restaurant when the Sooners demolished the Cats 58-17.
When I first saw this guy walking off the ESPN Bus (Which I think they had to check their refrigerators to make sure this guy didn't bogart the Dr. Pepper or swipe any Fununions on his way out), I thought for a moment I was watching the former wrestler Haystacks Calhoun walking on the set. (Since this is an SEC audience I am writing for, I know I won't have to explain who that guy was. C'mon, you know. Just say it.)
Exhibit #1 - "With Marcus Lattimore back, South Carolina looks tough tonight against Tennessee."
Does this guy know anything about football? Has he been living under a rock for the last few weeks? Judging by the size of this Menza Candidate, I would say it had to be the size of Mt. Rushmore.
Exhibit #2 - "I think Kansas State will pull the upset this week over Oklahoma. Did you know the K-State kickoff return teams are ranked #2 in the county? While Oklahoma's is ranked #49th? That alone will be the difference in the Wildcats victory."
Um, there is more to the game than just the kickoff returns. Did you also do a spreadsheet on how many time the K-State coaches have to go to the "Little Wildcats" room during the games too?
I wish ESPN would do us a favor and if they ever have to bring in another contest winner to be on the set of Gameday, bring in Beano Cook. Yeah, I know that guy died 20 years ago, but seeing a Rigor Mortis laden Beano Cook would be a lot more insightful and humorous than the guy I saw spitting glazed doughnut flakes all over the Game Day set.
Why does every team in college football hold up our fingers to start he fourth quarter? Um, we have been watching the game for the first three, so is this some kind of joke that you think we, as fans, don't know what comes next?
Yeah, I know it means, "It's the fourth quarter, we always get up for the fourth quarter, the fourth quarter belongs to us." and all that rah rah crap.
I know whenever I walk around and hold up four fingers at a college football game, it means I am on my fourth JD of the day. I am up for the fourth, and it belongs to me, and all that rah rah crap.
Funny thing is after the fourth is over, I usually hold up five fingers, signifying that I have had too much fun and someone better walk over and hold me up.
I like what they do at Wisconsin as they play the House of Pain song, Jump Around, between the third and fourth quarters. Instead of holding four fingers up in the air like Ric Flair and the Four Horsemen (No disrespect to the greatest collection of Christian Athletes ever assembled), the entire stadium jumps around and gets everyone excited about the final 15 minutes of the game.
That's much cooler than the four-finger salute of silliness, which makes me want to give everyone doing it a one-finger salute.
I think we as SEC disciples should offer Wisconsin an invitation to come to the SEC since that's a pretty cool deal they have in Mad Town (Madison). Or at least give them honorary SEC member status.
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